The Best Medicine – Scary Movies

By Connie Warnock, NW Connection

First, my credentials…I have a PHD in scary movies – hence my superb qualifications to write this particular column. My PHD was earned at the tender age of seven when I moved into my own bedroom and realized I had made one huge mistake.

It had a large walk in closet and off of that closet was a door that led to an attic. Until I figured out that I could wedge a chair under the door knob, rendering the closet useless, I simply didn’t sleep. Yes, my parents did say “what’s with the chair?” I responded with the probable grim consequences of removing the chair and after a few strange looks, my parents just left the whole thing alone. I loved that chair! Somehow, I knew I’d be fine in the daytime. Nighttime was the problem. There was a light bulb with a string in the attic (dead giveaway that something was in there).

Now, this did not stop me from watching Invasion of the Body Snatchers (the first one).

I had a deal worked out with Mom. If I did my homework and went to bed right after dinner, she would get me up to watch any scary movie. The night I watched Invasion, however, was far from ideal. A family friend had passed away. Right in the middle of that movie the phone rang. It was the wife of the deceased. She had the obituary and wanted my mother to run it down to the mortuary. So, Mom throws a coat at me and says “get in the car, you’re going with me.”
“Mom! Are you nuts? I don’t want to go to a mortuary at midnight!
“Connie, get in the car now!”
Of course, my dad and my sister were fast asleep. To say I was scared is an understatement. When we got there, mom said “lock the car doors, I’ll be back in a minute.” Well, several long minutes later, she was back and I was a disaster.
However, I did see the end of the movie.
By the time I was a full-on adult, I could watch anything scary…with one exception. I could not ever watch an animal (especially a dog) get killed. People fine…dogs, no way!

Then, I became picky. Nothing was worse than a “stupid” scary movie. When the kids were old enough the three of us would go. I taught them to accordian their hands over their eyes so they could filter out sex and dogs. Son Chris thought he had the greatest mom in the world. Daughter Lacy wasn’t so sure! Our finest moment was a double feature: VENOM and ALLIGATOR!

Chris and I still have scary movie nights, however, we have become very picky. Only C+ or above – when we see an “A” rating that means it’s an emergency and we have to go immediately. By the way, the best scary movie makers now seem to know not to hurt the dog!

Of course, you avid readers of this column want to know what I recommend, right?! Well, and you can rent these;

• Don’t Breathe
• Lights Out
• Descent (only the first one)
• The Boy
• The Ring (only the first one)
• Insidious (the first one)

There are, of course, many more. Biggest disappointment? The Shining. Actually, the TV version bests the movie. Added plus to watching scary movies? It’s therapy. If you are tense and upset about work, or relationships, well, a good scare takes that all away!

It’s the best medicine.

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